I married a sex addict! Yep, you read it right! The sex coach and the sex addict found each other fell in love and lived in shadowy, toxic, turmoil forever more! Not forever, but it felt like a really really really long time before we could immerge from the shadows of my husband's sexual impulses.
Until my husband decided to do his actual healing work we lived on the edge of constant potential divorce! For many years he hid much of his swampy, dark visits to cam sites, porn addiction, compulsive behavior, and message parlors from me. He kept it from me because even though I am a SEX COACH, and people bring this stuff to me every day and we make amazing breakthroughs - his shame was just too thick to pierce through and show up vulnerable, raw, and 100% in his messy truth. Also, he was not ready to stop hiding from himself.
Sexual addiction is a type of compulsive sexual behavior that causes serious emotional, mental, and physical consequences. Sex addiction is characterized by obsessive thoughts about sexual behaviors, and an inability to control the behavior, even though these could bring negative consequences. These behaviors may include excessive masturbation or watching pornography for hours on end. In extreme cases, this sexual compulsivity can lead to damaging your social life, financial difficulties, or even legal consequences.
The problem is that many men dealing with sexual compulsions are labeled bad and wrong. I feel that this is conditioning and misunderstanding that I’d like to help iron out. Sexual desire can be used as a form of self-expression or as a way to connect with others in healthy ways. Seeing your sexual thoughts and sexual urges, through the lens of shame, only perpetuates an environment where your sexual experiences come out sideways and can cause a less than desirable outcome. It is when you learn to embrace your erotic energy that you can become the master of it.
My husband and I went through a long journey of trial and error, to get the healing that we both needed. We found professional help from coaches and therapists to find the path back to each other. That healing journey for us both has truly brought me to a place in my career as a sex coach, where I now help men that want to stop porn addiction, random sexual encounters, compulsive masturbation, extramarital affairs, and plain-out low self-esteem.
My heart goes out to the men in the world that have been swallowed and manipulated by the sex industry machine. I see men living in the world that have so much shame around their sexuality. They just do not know where to turn. My heart goes out to them because they are humans too! Because they were manipulated and conditioned too! It is my mission to help these men find their erotic truth and learn to channel their erotic energy in a way that they can be proud of. So they can be in their sexuality and not have a negative impact on their sexual partners, family members, or friends. Rather live a life of erotic pleasure with heart, pride, and cleanliness.
In the general population, this topic can feel wildly scary and taboo! The thought of someone not being in control of their sexuality is fucking scary. Sexual energy is the most creative energy on the planet! Life comes into existence through this energy and it can create in a healthy way or in a way that can create some serious consequences. My work is to shed light on this darkness and help these men connect their hearts to their cocks. Creating a recovery process that leads them to a quality of life that is free of sexual shame.
6 steps to healing your sexual dependency
Find a SEX COACH! In this realm, you will find support that allows you to stay sexually positive and achieve your sexual goals while healing the shame!
Join 12-step programs for sexuality.
Seek out health care professionals that specifically work as sex therapists, and that can offer you a treatment plan. Mental health professionals can offer a deep dive into the underlying cause of your sexual disorder.
Get into family therapy. When something like this is happening in you, it is most important for your partner to be in the journey of healing as well.
Talk to your doctor and discuss the options of mood stabilizers.
Find a treatment center where they work with the concept of sex addiction.
Wherever you begin your journey of healing sex addiction, I want to invite you to be easy on yourself. Take it slow! Open your heart and surrender! I promise there will be some great accomplishments on the other side if you do the transformative work. If it's time to free yourself from the shackles of desire and step into pure pleasure then I hope this writing has given you hope, value and inspiration.
Just an update on my husband: He is now living in his purpose, more powerful than ever with an ever-expanding healthy erotic life!